We’re not talking James Bond, MI6 or big advertising budgets.
I first came across the idea of agency when I studied art history in my late 30s. Everybody was talking about it, especially in relation to women artists. I kind of got it… and I kind of didn’t. So I finally asked.
Turns out, agency is a sociological concept. To have agency means to have the ability to act autonomously based on your own will and values. It means standing in your power and staying true to yourself.
Your agency is your personal power source. It means validating yourself instead of waiting to be validated by others. It’s having a voice and making yourself heard in verbal and non-verbal ways.
Agency doesn’t have to announce itself with fanfare, trumpets and megaphones. Agency can be subtle and subversive, quietly refusing to conform to what is expected. Having agency doesn’t mean to have control over everything, it means having control of your own actions and responses.
I remember times when I didn’t have agency.
I dedicated my human design book, Purposeful Parenting, to the child version of myself.
To the little girl who didn’t feel seen or heard and spent most of her childhood blending into the background so she wouldn’t rock the boat.
I know children not having agency is far from uncommon.
I also remember times as an adult when I gave my power away, most notably when transitioning into motherhood. I now see becoming a mother as a portal of initiation. It’s like your old self dissolves and you lose yourself for a while. That’s normal and healthy.
But I also let myself be lost in the myriad of conflicting messages of what it means to be a mother. Redefining what was expected of me and what I could and couldn’t have. I don’t know about you but my experience definitely has heavily weighted towards the latter.
You can listen to more of my journey in my recently released podcast interview with Maria Newman here:
In launching my recent program, “Friend your Fabulous“, I’ve talked a lot about living a big life. About being your brilliant self and embodying your own magic. And I mean all of it.
But this isn’t about living a big life according to anyone else’s standards. It’s about living the big life you are ready for right now.
For me, a big life is one where I get to embrace experiences. Where I get to travel. Where I get to share my wisdom and impact people for the better. A big life is one of connection and adventure.
But your big life may look different – because it’s your big life. It may look way bigger than mine. My big life when I entered motherhood was mostly about reclaiming a connection with myself and my needs while also being a present and engaged parent. I needed connection to other mums with similar approaches to parenting and a bit of travel to keep things interesting. My biggest big life decision then was moving from London to South Devon. At the time, it felt like a monumentally audacious step.
Your big life may be having the courage to claim more time and resources to meet your long neglected needs. It may be sharing your gifts instead of keeping them privately locked away for your own entertainment. It may be buying a campervan and going traveling, or it may be creating a cosy and nourishing home. It might be going back to uni or letting your voice be heard in a stadium. Your big life is 1 in 8 billion unique.
And you deserve to live the version of your big life now. And if you aren’t already, there’s probably a 1 in 8 billion unique reason as to why not.
I am simply inviting you to ditch that reason and reclaim your own sense of agency. Your own power, no matter how loud or soft that is.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.“
~ Marianne Williamson
That’s the essence of Friend your Fabulous, a 9 session journey into embracing your natural gifts instead of hiding them under the bed. It’s about understanding what blocks you from embracing all of you and giving it some air by sharing it with those around you.
If any of this resonates with you, there’s still time to join.
We started with Friend your Fear and it was powerful. Together, we looked at the fears coded into our human design and understood their original purpose as helping us not die in a sabre tooth tiger attack. Not many of those little beasties around IRL in the 21st century, are there? We looked beyond the fears to embrace the gifts and instincts here to help us shine. We asked deeply uncomfortable questions, such as:
What does living a full life mean to me?
Where is not being my own authority (aka agency) keeping me in my comfort zone?
What do I fear about being fully in my own power?
The key is knowing which questions help you excavate your deepest fears and then turning them into badass embodied wisdom instead.
“There is nothing enlightened about shrinking.”
~ Marianne Williamson
What’s my biggest measure for living a big life? I want to wake up in the morning feeling good about myself. I want to love the version of myself I am right now from the inside out. I want to love who I am irrespective of my outward circumstances or achievements.
And I want to support you doing the same. This is why Friend your Fabulous was born… because we all need a little help to see our own magic. And because we live in a busy world, Friend your Fabulous is designed to go slow and deep but in bite size chunks. And it’s so flexible it’s practically double jointed: join us live, on Zoom or watch the recording.
It's not selfish to want more of life. It might actually be selfish not to.
Your big life needn’t be loud. You might just need permission to exit the hamster wheel and chill like a sloth on the regular.
It’s your life and your agency, after all.
Ready to Friend your Fabulous?
You can be all in at any point and nab yourself the recordings and resources from all previous events:
Whatever feels right for you inside or outside of this program, I wish you little but frequent baby steps towards being more of your uniquely fabulous self and embracing your own personal agency. You are leading the way for yourself, your kids (if you have them) and your community. Together, we got this… one step at a time.
